I am 20 and I survived Suicide
I am a proud lesbian and I have Major Depressive Disorder Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and struggle with Suicide and Self Harm. What started it? I'll tell you. I was adopted from Russia at 7 months old, and have lived in the US my whole life. My mom took me to a neurologist after I suffered a seizure at age 2. We learned that I have a very rare brain disorder that can cause epilepsy, migraines, slower learning speed and almost everyone with this disorder is nonverbal and cannot walk. My mom made sure that I'd be able to talk, and I was not able to speak fluently until age 6. Walking? I figured that out. It wasn't long before I started getting emotionally abused by my father, he'd call me very painful things, and abandon me and leave me to fend for myself on the college campus he worked at. I would not see him till hours later or until I found him. My nonbiological sister who was adopted from the same country was treated relatively better, but abuse was still happening to her as well.
Several years later, something absolutely traumatizing happened. A very ugly and distressing divorce. It went on for years, and I was scared I'd be placed in my abusive father's custody and lose my mom. Thank my Spirit Wolf things worked out and my sister and I got to stay with my very caring and loving mom who I could never imagine losing.
In middle school, I was taking physical and emotional abuse from my non-biological sister, and receiving death-threats from a bully in school. This triggered an episode of depression and I wanted to jump off a building. I told my mom and we settled everything from school, and my sister since then had disowned us and left. My desire to jump off a building faded and I was happy. All was going well, or so thought.
In 2018, I got a potentially fatal medical diagnosis in my ear if bacteria gets in a hole in my ear, it could shut off my brain. In 2019, the same diagnosis got in my other ear shattering me. I did get surgery to help correct it which worked, but I was still hopeless. I found myself addicted to cutting and made 5 suicide attempts, the last one I cut so deep I almost died. I survived anyway. I've been inpatient recently, and got the help I needed instead of the typical. Even though I have passive thoughts, I won't kill myself anytime soon. Thank you for reading this.
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