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My name is Ashley, and this is my story

I am 39 and I struggle with Suicide


I have major depressive disorder, and I last attempted suicide in 2012. Part of my recovery was a desire to mark on my body the struggle I'd been through, and the resilience it had taken to overcome. I decided on a phoenix tattoo, a visual representation of my own rising from the ashes. I hoped that would be the end of my dance with suicide.
Unfortunately that was not to be the case. My depression is not well controlled, and I still struggle with suicide sometimes. What I've learned, though, is that I can have thoughts of suicide, but it's part of my illness, and I can get through it. Thoughts of suicide have become familiar enough that they seldom scare me any more, and I have greater confidence in my ability to weather the storm and emerge on the other side.
It would be great if suicidal thoughts weren't a part of my future, but realistically they will be until we have better treatments for depression. However, with my phoenix on my side, I will continue to rise above.


If you enjoyed Ashley’s story, send a bit of encouragement in the comments section below or share this story with others.

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  1. this is so true, i thought it was abnormal to go through bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts even though i am seeking help and taking medication. the thoughts do not scare me anymore and i do not feel the need to directly act on them but they are there, they come with the depression and though i can now function through it all i have been worried that this was only happening to me. Your story has helped me realize that im not the only one and that this is okay because its only building us stronger. thank you.

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