I am 14 and I struggle with Depression
it’s hard. i’m not gonna lie.
i’ve had depression since i was 12 and anxiety since i was 13.
i’ve just discovered my social anxiety this year.
it’s been a roller coaster. i won’t lie, and there are times i feel it won’t get better. my depression has gotten worse and so i started cutting a couple weeks ago, and now it’s something i depend on. i’m an indecisive person: i sometimes wish i could cut so i can “punish” myself for my life but at the same time, i don’t want my little sister to find out.
my anxiety and social anxiety work together to work against me. i cant do presentations in class without feeling like i’m going to pass out and i can’t go to places i go to all the time without being nervous (hence the social anxiety).
at the same time, i’m trying to figure out who i am. i thought i may be gender fluid, and i mentioned that to my boyfriend. he wasn’t understanding so i started using examples. he eventually told me this is all just a phase, and it’s normal to think stuff like this at my age. now i’m scared i’m not in a safe place if i do end up coming out as gender fluid. but i don’t want to end up leaving him, he makes me really happy.
i won’t lie, my self esteem is really low. and i’ll tell you, it’s mainly because of my parents. they constantly tell me i’ll look ugly if i do a certain thing, i’ll get fat if i eat too much, my friends will hate me because of my personality, i won’t find a man (jokes on them i already did), people won’t lile me because of the way i act, etc. it’s hard, especially when the thing that’s making you so upset is always around you. i will admit, i have thought of suicide mainly because of them.
i’m really trying, but sometimes it feels like it’s too much.
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