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My name is Shan, and this is my story.

I am 22 and I survived Bipolar Disorder


8 years ago my father went through another bout of depression in his cycles of mania and depression. He spent way too much money and put my family in debt. He hated his job and his life that he was living. I then started to fall into the Seasonal Depression (SAD) in the fall semesters of being in college. I hated it- starting over. I was an ESFJ meaning i have a helping personality. I am extraverted. I have sensing. I have feeling. I have judging. I played soccer the first two years of college to please my father. I was an athlete. I was a Moran. That's what Moran's did. I was an MVP in high school for soccer and basketball. I stayed late after practices, got yelled at after games, and worked my ass off in the gym and on the field. I decided to do something for myself and quit soccer but before that I almost killed myself November 15, 2015- I did not take my medication and I drank until I could not drink anymore. My friend told me that I had an out of body experience. I don't remember much from the night. I just remembered I hoped I would have died. I survived. Another time was 2 years before as a senior in high school. I had an awful basketball game and I wanted to die. I did not want my dad to yell any more at me. I wanted to be free. I drove on the wrong side of the road for a while until I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my best friend behind me. She is the reason why I survived high school. we are no longer friends. Then, in college my junior year. I was diagnosed bipolar. I immediately turned to drugs and alcohol. I am bisexual and liked my best friend. I did not know how to tell her- i tried so many times. I was put on a drug that I was allergic to.I took too many oxycodine. I ended up in Roxbury Treatment Center where I was harassed by a woman with schizophrenia. I survived. I almost was not let back into school fall 2016, but my father helped and here I am. Writing a book, going to grad school, changing the world one smile at a time. I am OK telling my story because I finally made it. It's OK to be different.


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  1. Shan, I will say this in hopes I can help you be free. When I was very young, I was an incest target by another male. Afterwards during my childhood, I developed bisexual behavior patterns, cutting, self-mutilation, and drug/alcohol abuse. During my adulthood, my conditions worsened: I was diagnosed with schizo-effective disorder, increased drug/alcohol abuse, and numerous suicide attempts. In my older years, I turned to God and started studying His word in the Holy Bible.

    I can say without a doubt, bisexual is NOT who you are. What you are experiencing is sexual orientation deceptions (See Romans 1:18-32). I can pretty much guess from my own personal experiences, this will be a large root of the inner turmoil you are experiencing. PLEASE trust me on this — God created you heterosexual! (or, natural, as written in that Bible passage) God Almighty, your Creator, CANNOT and WILL NOT tempt any people into any form of homosexuality (See James 1:13-15). Straight/heterosexual/natural IS WHO YOU ARE, despite any contrary feelings you may have. I will expound on something you and I are familiar with: whenever you abuse drugs and alcohol, your emotions/feelings are warped, aren’t they. So your feelings often lie to you when you are high. When high on substances, you usually feel at peace/giddy, when in reality your life is in danger. In the same way your emotions/feelings lie to you while your under the influence, so it is with any form of homosexual attraction. In order to victoriously battle what you are experiencing, you NEED Jesus Christ.

    Please read John 3:16-17 and Acts 16:25-34.

    (John 3:16-17)
    16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.

    (Acts 16:25-34)
    25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, 26 and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone’s bonds were unfastened. 27 When the jailer woke and saw that the prison doors were open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul cried with a loud voice, “Do not harm yourself, for we are all here.” 29 And the jailer called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas. 30 Then he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” 31 And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” 32 And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. 33 And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family. 34 Then he brought them up into his house and set food before them. And he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God.

    • What the fuck? Are you just TRYING to make people feel worse? You know, queer erasure can LEAD to people being depressed. You aren’t trying to help anyone, you’re trying to make people feel bad about themselves. Get your shit off this site and somewhere else, please, before I go even more crazy.

      • P.S. Did you know that section was mistranslated? The romans actually expected you to be pan. It was supposed to be against pedophilia, “Man must not sleep with boy.” It was mistranslated to “Mon must not sleep with Man.” My bi friend told me that. I am NOT trying to have any disrespect for your religion, but according to christian logic, people were created for who they are, and anyone who is evil will go to hell. Technically, trying to convince people they are fake is evil and you will go to hell. Sorry, I’m not christian, but that is your logic. I don’t believe in any of the god shit. If you dare make fun of me for that, I have experienced much mistreatment for my beliefs. You will be just like all the kids who told me my belief wasn’t real. So, HA!

  2. One last bit of knowledge God taught me (that I left out):

    Homosexuality is unnatural and is learned behavior — very similar to drug/alcohol addiction.

    Heterosexuality is naturally innate in all men and women. This comes pre-wired into our genetic and biological makeups at the moment of our conception!!!

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