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The fears that came true

I am 35 and I survived Depression


The pain in my chest was unbearable.

Walking into the police station, I could feel the anxiety overriding my thoughts and my low mood was weighing me down. I was finally going to get answers as to why my life is the way it is. I knew the questions I wanted to ask and the answers I thought I was going to get. My hearts racing, I can feel my pulse as I take every step.

The officer introduces himself and shakes my hand, not a confident shake from him. Almost as though he knows that what has happened has been wrong. We walk to a meeting room and I sit. A million things are going through my head including the suicidal thoughts I have had for the last 9 months.

I'm asked to tell my story, I detail the abuse and degrading actions I suffer for four days. I explain what happened when I reacted, then it comes.

'I can tell you what has been said and how the police judged the witness' The officer tells me shuffling his paperwork around. I nod as he begins.

'She embellished her story between the verbal account and giving her statement' I begin to shake, 'She wanted to make the complaint without it ruining your career' My chest is tightening 'We note here she shouted and swore at you and then physically assaulted you' I can feel my eyes begin to burn as I fight the tears. 'She has told us that she does not intend on keeping you away from your children' I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

I look at the officer, the two failed attempts in my mind from months ago. I have been vindicated. This proves I was innocent all along. Why then has my life been destroyed over being a victim of domestic abuse? How did I end up in trouble for reacting to days of horrendous abuse? Perhaps I should have tried harder with my attempts.

No!

I fight on, I have had wrongs done to me and I refuse to give up without a fight. My story is far from over and I don't intend on taking revenge, I want my life back. I sit here replaying what the officer said in my head.

Why did it go to court?

What did I do to deserve this?

Why was the prosecution so opposed to evidence being submitted?

How can the victim be the accused?

Why did she stand in front of god and lie in order to destroy me?

I forgive you for it. I forgive A as well. Neither of you deserved my time and got the very best of me, I trusted you both and you decided to destroy me. One day, maybe not soon, karma will come knocking at your door and on that day I will stand and watch as you are confirmed as the manipulative liars you are.

The battles about to begin, I've taken a knee and prayed for divine intervention. God, answer my prayers and give me the strength and the power to keep fighting till the truth comes out. Let your holy spirit fill me and keep me humble as I charge headlong into the fray and attempt to correct my life. Be with me, I beg of you


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