I am 37 and I survived Depression
At the age of 12 I began experiencing self esteem issues. I was sad often and never felt "pretty". There was an incident where I was speaking with a close relative, one whom I looked at as the older sister I never had, and her comment to me, while laughing, was "You are so ugly." That sticks with me to this day and it was the first time I became aware of my looks. For years after I struggled with my self esteem. I tried extra hard to gain the approval of my peers. I wanted so badly to hear that validation. By the age of 18 I began having suicidal ideations. I didn't understand what was happening so I went to see a doctor on campus at the school I attended. She told me that she believed I was experiencing a form of depression and suggested I seek additional help. I didn't want that label of being crazy, so I never followed up. I continued to suffer in silence, keeping these feelings a secret from family and friends. I also continued to endure bullying and torment because of my looks, how I spoke, how I dressed, etc. This went on for years. In 2017 while experiencing a really down moment, I cried out to God because the suicidal thoughts were stronger than ever and I now have two beautiful children that I was thinking about harming as well. God and I had a very specific conversation and I promised to give Him time to work but I also promised to do my best to ensure no other woman endured alone. As afraid as I am, I know that through my story someone will realize that their story can go on. So here I am two years after making that promise, prepared to help other women. I will be honest, everyday is not easy but, He never said it would be. I have faith in my healing and want to be there for someone else.
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