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My name is Ashley, and this is my story

I am 39 and I struggle with Suicide


I have major depressive disorder, and I last attempted suicide in 2012. Part of my recovery was a desire to mark on my body the struggle I'd been through, and the resilience it had taken to overcome. I decided on a phoenix tattoo, a visual representation of my own rising from the ashes. I hoped that would be the end of my dance with suicide.
Unfortunately that was not to be the case. My depression is not well controlled, and I still struggle with suicide sometimes. What I've learned, though, is that I can have thoughts of suicide, but it's part of my illness, and I can get through it. Thoughts of suicide have become familiar enough that they seldom scare me any more, and I have greater confidence in my ability to weather the storm and emerge on the other side.
It would be great if suicidal thoughts weren't a part of my future, but realistically they will be until we have better treatments for depression. However, with my phoenix on my side, I will continue to rise above.


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