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My name is Kendall, and this is my story

I am 18 and I survived Depression


Hi, my name is Kendall. I am 18 years old, and I struggle with anxiety and depression. This has been an ongoing battle for about 6 years. It's been really hard, let me tell you. Experiencing a series of toxic relationships throughout my adolescent years and dealing with mental illnesses. Sometimes, I'm surprised as to how far I've made it.

A few months ago, I started experiencing more intense symptoms of depression and anxiety. Ever since my senior year of high school started, it seemed to be a never ending roller coaster. I was always a nervous wreck. I would have frequent panic attacks in my classes, followed by lingering sadness/irritability. I was always tearing myself apart for a former friend, to the point where I no longer was an individual. I tried everything to get better. I tried some coping mechanisms, tried seeking support, tried just toughening it out. I was always negative about everything. I felt like nothing would get better. I felt like I didn't serve a purpose in the world. I either lost interest in my hobbies, or struggled to pursue them. I wasn't…me anymore. I was always stuck in the past. Always dwelling on past relationships or conflicts. Defined myself based on my enemies' opinions. I gave my past friends/enemies and my struggles so much power over me.

Almost two months ago, I went through a life-changing experience. It seemed as if I reached my breaking point. Because of some news my former friend had sprung on me, I descended into madness. It was more like the final straw, because I was trying to keep things together for so long that I finally snapped. At this point, I was desperate for help. I almost turned to self-harm, and was considering suicide. I turned to a girl that I had a falling out with almost a year ago, and that only made things worse. It was because of her rejection that I couldn't take it anymore. I started sending out apologies to people. Apologizing for everything: for who I was, for any mistakes I've made. I felt that if my enemies thought I was crazy, then what was the point of living? Unfortunately, I did end up self harming. Because I needed a release. I needed to cope, to finally let out all those negative emotions that I was trying to hold back. I then reached out to the former friend (the one who gave me the news) and he didn't want to help me either. He told me that I had weaknesses. Same with the girl when the falling out occurred. Only she rejected me in a much more cruel manner. That's what I felt like I was always told by people. That I was weak, that I was too sensitive, that I was being irrational. And it irritated me so much, because you should be allowed to feel what you feel. In fact, you are ALLOWED to feel what you feel. Expressing emotion does not make you weak. Emotions are valid.

But it was at that point, that I had hit rock bottom. I felt so lost, I felt…messed up inside.

But a miracle occurred. Because as soon as I started opening up to people, they wanted to help me. My uncle drove all the way from where he lived to my house just to hang out with me for an hour. Another friend of mine was giving me reasons as to why I do belong in this world. Telling me all the great things about me, and even offered to give me food because he was worried about my loss in appetite at the time. As soon as I got out of the crisis center the next day, I posted my story on Facebook. Because I was tired of hiding it. I wanted people to know that I was struggling. And the amount of love I received was…amazing. I had acquaintances checking on me. People offering me gifts. Everyone encouraged me to stay strong. That I was an amazing person, and that they would be there for me if I needed them. I couldn't believe it. It was at that point that I knew what love was supposed to be like. That I am valued as a person. It really inspired me to keep going.

And ever since then, I've been trying to better my life. I've been surrounding myself with nothing but positivity. I've been trying to change my views on life. Praying to god, listening to positive podcasts (thanks Positive Head for motivating me to be the best I can be!). Devoting some of my spare time to reading up articles to get a better understanding of what's behind all my traumatic experiences. Posting positive quotes to my Instagram in order to expand on my newly optimistic views. Honestly, life feels good right now. I've never felt more happier in my entire life. Freedom feels…amazing. I finally can be who I am again without worrying about being judged!

So in a way, I'm grateful that everything happened the way it did. If it wasn't for the trauma, I wouldn't have been inspired to try to change my life. As I've heard my mom tell me, everything happens for a reason. It's also helped me realize that I want to help people. I want to help people who struggle with mental disorders. I want to advocate for people who have been impacted by (or close to) suicide. Maybe I'll look into the psychology field in the future. Who knows?

But I want everyone to know that just because you have a mental illness, doesn't make you less of a human being. You are NOT your anxiety, depression, bipolar, eating disorder, etc. You are human. You're unique, strong, and amazing for choosing to be alive as you struggle with these demons. I feel like mental disorders are so invalidated by society, and it irritates me. Mental disorders are real, and they're not a joke.

But for those who have struggled or are struggling right now, just know that you're never alone. There's people out there who can help you. Friends, family, teachers, counselors, support groups, crisis centers near you, even the suicide prevention hotline. Just know, that it's okay to seek help.

As they say, once you hit rock bottom…the only way to go is up.


If you enjoyed Kendall’s story, send a bit of encouragement in the comments section below or share this story with others.

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  1. It sounds as if you have a wonderful support system. Never stray far from that because they will be there to help you.
    I am glad your story has a happy middle and will continue to be good.
    Life is a struggle, how we handle it determines how well we will do.
    God has helped me, reading the bible and going to church has helped immensely as well.
    Be good to your self and forgive your self when you have messed up.
    Keep looking up at the wonderful things in life, that seems to help me.

    • Thank you, Cindy :). I do have a wonderful support system. And I agree with everything you are saying. My connection with God has also helped me gain some strength. He’s helped me the most during hard times. And optimism is the best way to handle life! Positivity will get you very far. 🙂

  2. Hi my name is Katrina.
    I do not know what I am feeling right now but I think it is consuming me.
    Your story seems such a great source of hope. My boyfriend for the past 5 years has decided to break up with me. I do not want to play the victim, but right now in his life, he is currently lost, probably at a rock bottom of his life too. He does not want to share his problems. I always encourage him when he is down, however, sometimes he would push me away. When I was at a good point in my life, he was struggling. So now, he decided to part ways and said he loves me but right now he needs to focus on himself and his studies. He wants to get in a school he has dreamed of.

    I feel like I am so lost right now. I used to be so confident. So sure about everything. Now, I wake up middle of the night crying. I even lose my focus. There is pain deep inside my body. Crying is uncontrollable. I lose appetite in eating (everyone knows I love to eat). I gave him everything. He became my everything. So now, I feel lost. I would really like to be better. Please message me if anything.

    • Hi Katrina! My name is Kendall, nice to meet you! Sorry to get back to you late, I just saw your comment. I tried to see if I could message you but every time I try to pull up your profile, it says there’s an error.

      It is completely normal to feel conflicted after a break up. I have been through them myself so I know what it’s like to struggle. Especially in your case, it must be really painful because of the length of time that you were with him. While it is understandable that he wants to focus on himself, that doesn’t mean you can’t mourn the loss of the relationship. Any ending of a significant moment in your life can be upsetting.

      I understand that you are feeling hopeless right now. When me and my ex first broke up, I never thought I would get over it. I felt very similar to how you did: barely eating, constant crying and anger, loss of confidence. However, as time passed, I was able to move on. That being said, I think you should give yourself time to grieve. Try to focus on your newfound freedom. Self-love and self-care is a great way to improve your confidence. Also, I would let your boyfriend sort his problems out on his own. Sometimes, it makes you feel worse trying to fix someone else. And who knows? Maybe in the future, you guys can try dating again. Or you might even meet another man and start dating them. The world is full of possibilities!

      While you won’t get better overnight, there are things you can do to ease your pain. Pursue your hobbies/interests, go for a walk/spend time by yourself, treat yourself to something that makes you feel good (like a bubble bath, for example), etc. But yeah, you are going to have to ride this emotional rollercoaster out, unfortunately. But I promise that things WILL get better! It may not seem like it right now, but it will!

      Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to others in your life for support! Having a great support system is also key to being able to come to terms with trauma.

      I hope that this helps. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can reach out to me 🙂

      Xoxo, Kendall.

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