I am 16 and I struggle with Self Harm
It has been almost a year since I last/first wrote part of my story on here.
I am far less depressed and anxious than then. I have been on meds for over a year and my mom and I are on good terms and understanding again. I don't know where I stand in my sexuality, though I know I DEFINITELY like girls. I have a girlfriend now and we've been together for almost six months now. She means so much to me and has really helped me a lot with my mental health.
*trigger warning: suicide, cutting and other forms of self harm mentioned*
The biggest thing that she has helped me with is my self harm. I have self harmed since as long as I can remember, and way before I knew what it was. I don't cut or do anything that leaves any suspicious scars and rarely even break through the skin so no one has ever noticed. I have had the urge to cut, but I never wanted anyone to notice so I was always able to restrain myself to just scratching/pinching etc. My girlfriend is only the second person who I have told about this.
I typically do it to calm down when I am having a panic attack or ground myself or just to get my mind off of my depression. I have also used it to deal with my dysphoria (I identify as nonbinary). For a bit I was suicidal and self harm was a better alternative.
I am really working on stopping now though, but it is hard because it is so ingrained in my by now. I have set myself a goal to be clean for at least a year when I am 20 and get a small tattoo on my wrist as a reminder that I can overcome everything and anything.
My girlfriend has been clean for a year and a half, so she is able to help me quite a bit. I am able to usually just draw on my arm instead (sometimes it only works if I draw lines as if I cut), but sometimes it gets to be too much.
Now I am able to call or text my girlfriend usually or if I am lucky see her, and talk to her about it and she helps me calm down. I have found talking about it extremely helpful and I think I may be able to actually move on and stop, which is also why I wanted to write about it on here.
There really wasn't much of a point to this besides sharing my story so others might not feel alone, and maybe I even some how gave a tip. I also like to have this to look back on in the future to see how far I have come. Good luck to anyone else out there who is struggling with self harm or any issue!
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