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My name is Lilly, and this is my story

I am 14 and I struggle with Depression


I had a rough childhood. My mother left my siblings and I when I was in second grade. My father wan’t with me the whole time I was growing up since he was in the Air Force (he is retired now).
As of today, my mother lives in North Carolina and I haven’t seen her for a while. She never tries to contact my siblings and I. As of June 4, 2011, I have a step-mom and a step-brother. My parents say they love me, but I find it hard to believe sometimes.
Since about sixth grade, I was hurting myself by scratching my arms raw as a way of self harm. My parents found out over the summer, and took me to the hospital. There, I was diagnosed with depression. 🙁
Starting in 8th grade, I was wanting to kill myself to take the pain away more than I ever have before. These days, I still think of doing it. I’ve stopped scratching my arms raw, but it is still tempting to do it. Then, I broke that promise a few weeks ago when I cut myself with scissors.
Last year, I was about to kill myself, but one of my friends stopped me.
A few weeks ago, I seriously considered committing suicide and I attempted it… I wasn’t able to tell anyone about it.
The only reason I'm still here is I am worried how my death will affect people who are close to me.
I don't want to be judged about this. I don't want to be labeled as broken. I just want to spread the message and for people to listen to my voice. For people to know that others DO understand, For people to know it is okay to talk about your problems with someone. You won't be considered crazy.
Also, please don’t ever joke about killing yourself because people like me find that flat out offensive.


If you enjoyed Lilly’s story, send a bit of encouragement in the comments section below or share this story with others.

3 Comments

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  1. Lilly I agree when people say things like what you mentioned it is offensive for they do not understand what a struggle depression and the terrible thoughts that come with it are. Please remember you are young and have a lot to offer in life. I am glad you have realized there is no shame in feeling the way you do. There are so many uncontrollable factors that play in mental health issues. Most people don’t want to deal with it because you can not show a picture of the problem like if you see a broken leg it can be fixed with a cast. Mental health is so much more complicated than that and the management of it is not easy. You will get the peace you deserve and will do great things in the future. Remember you are not alone and there is always someone that will listen and offer genuine help. Keep fighting and the sun will shine on your face for you deserve it. Thank you for sharing.

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