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My name is Caitlan, and I’m trying to survive.

I am 22 and I survived Suicide

Where do I begin?

10 years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, recently I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and Dissociation. I struggled in school with bullies and the fact my parents separated. I was tormented and torn to pieces.

I left school in year 10 (in Australia that means only 2 years until graduation) and I was doing okay. My dad was back around in our lives and we were all trying to fix things with him. But it kept crumbling, kept failing.

Finally in 2014 I decided to stop speaking with him as he was a huge part of why i was so down. I was suicidal and decided to cut out negativity. Which meant my father.

3 years passed and on the 23rd of May 2016, my father took his life. Definitely not what any one expected at all. My whole world has been flipped Up side down, inside out. I am torn to pieces. And i don’t know where the pieces have gone.

My dad was my best friend as a little girl and I always stuck up to him, and always tried. My heart hurts writing this out.

Some days I don’t believe he is gone, or I wake thinking he is alive. It’s a crazy thing. I have so many questions, so many emotions. Guilt. Anger.

He missed out on meeting my amazing boyfriend, he won’t be around for my sisters formals and graduations. He isn’t seeing my brother grow. He won’t be there to walk me down the isle which honestly kills me so much.

But what hurts the most is knowing there was a woman who crushed his soul so badly just before he passed. And i can’t shake It. What if I were speaking with him? Maybe I could’ve helped him through it?

I’m still battling this horrible loss and battling my own mind. It’s a crazy spiral.

Please, suicide is not the right option. It truly hurts everyone around you more than you will ever think. Life is worth It.

If you enjoyed Caitlan’s story, send a bit of encouragement in the comments section below or share this story with others.

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