I am 27 and I survived Suicide
Hello everyone my name is Josh. I have decided to make this page because NAMI, and the work they do, is very important to me. NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans impacted by mental illness. Someone showed me NAMI a couple years ago and helped me realize people to care and understand.
As some of my closest friends and family know, I struggle with the battle of mental illness disorders ranging all over the board. I suffer from Bipolar NOS disorder, scitzoaffective scitzophrenia disorder, PTSD, Anxiety disorder, and Depression. And also to top that off I have always used almost every substance you could name to self medicate and stop the torment. I was in a never ending cycle of voices and torture and delusions. I had no idea the difference between reality and the unknown. I have lost my children, wife, house, job, cars, friends and family, and most importantly myself. So I went cold, emotionless, and sociopathic. Idolizing The Joker I took on his maniacal thought patterns. I twist every aspect of life to the negative and evil and pain. I hurt whoever was in my way and couldn't think twice, I had lost who I was unless around my parents and then I still was loosing grip of who I was completely. I would switch back and forth between Josh, the hard working family man who just wanted to please others, and The Joker, twisted evil clown looking out for only himself and would destroy anyone who got in his way with no emotions or remorse. In all actuality I was a scared child hiding inside my mind avoiding the reality of illness and not wanting anyone to know the real me. In doing so I became a self mutilator just to feel some pain, to me the blood was my personality seeping out forever, tiny pieces at a time that were lost . I loved to fill my body and mind with any drug I could to help numb myself. I have over came an 15 year alcoholism addiction, intravenous meth addiction, K2 addiction, and the use of all in between. I spent 2 years in prison for impulsive bad decisions and have 6 failed attempts of suicide, 3 or which required treatment, hospitalizations, or induced comas. I wanted to just end it all so bad but it wouldn't work. I still suffer with my "demons" and their play day delusions or torment, but with the help of meditation, my radical faith, and extreme passion to help others, I can possibly make a differnce. Of course I have 1 certain person who showed me love, compassion, and understanding to show awareness of the real life problems of mental illness to start improvement and recovery. That person I will always owe my life to. So now I'm ready to reach out and help who I can, make amends with the evil and hurt I've caused so so many people on this tumultuous journey called the MHMR / Addict lifestyle. I now use my love of The Joker to snag the attention of the possibly struggling individuals out there. The crowd that everyone is so afraid of or judmental of, I make a point to make friends with. I know the lifestyle, the language, and the motions of thie everyday life. So I think to myself, why not stick with what I know and put myself on the front lines with a clear mind this time around. In doing so reach out to the lost and hurt and give them a second chance at life with simply my compassion, experience, and knowledge. Remember It's one day at a time one person at a time.
Donating to me through this page is easy, fast and secure. Your donation will make a difference in the lives of the 43.8 million adults who experience mental illness in a given year. www.facebook.com/saizon My facebook is available to be contacted if you need help with resources, someone to talk to, or someone to assist you in any way on educating yourself and changing yourself and possibly the world, one mind at a time.
Start by telling yourself or a friend who is suffering with mental illness this:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can't. And the wisdom to know the difference."
It works if you work it, so work it because your worth it! I send my Love and Compassion out to each individual reading this and not reading it, you have my thoughts, prayers, or positive vibes, your choice. 🙂
Thank You for your support and time.
If you enjoyed Josh Saizon’s story, send a bit of encouragement in the comments section below or share this story with others.