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My name is Steph, and this is my story

I am 27 and I struggle with Postpartum Depression


I have just recently got my semicolon tattoo and it really has helped me, every time I look at it!
For almost 2 years now I have been struggling with depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression after my first daughter was born in August 2015.
For anyone who knows me, knows I am a very strong person, it takes a lot to break me. I can honestly say this thing called Mental Health BROKE ME into tiny pieces very quickly.
I was totally in denial for the first 5 weeks, I didn't mention anything to my husband, kept my feelings to myself and refused to believe it could have been depression.
After 5 weeks I ended up totally breaking down to my health visitor one day and she got me an appointment to see a doctor straight away. That night I got the courage to tell my husband and honestly, it was the best thing I could have done.
That man has saved my life more than once. I would not be sat here today if it wasn't for him!! Some he doesn't even know about, he just came in the room at the right time, he held me while I screamed in a corner. I will never ever be able to make that up to him.
I was offered counselling but I have had it in the past for other things and it doesn't work for me. I tried two different types of medication and the second one seemed to work well.
After my second daughter was born in March 2017, my depression got extremely worse but with the right help from my doctor and the support of my husband and a close friend I feel like me again!
I still have my really bad days but now the good days outweigh the bad.
I've never felt so lonely and down as I did when I was at my lowest. I always just thought my husband can do better raising our kids without me, my kids would be better off without me.
I was WRONG!!!
I didn't ask to feel like this, I didn't ask to struggle every single day, waking up on a morning and wondering what type of day it's gonna be. Going to bed at night, thinking ok, I got through today, now we have to battle tomorrow.

I've kept this secret for 2 years, very very few people know this about me but I believe it's time to change that. I was always terrified if people knew I had depression, I would be looked at as a bad mother, a mother incapable of looking after her children.
That is WRONG.
I AM a good mother!
I know that now.
My girls are happy, healthy and safe and so am I! That's all that matters!
I feel I need to start to share my story to try to help others in the same situation.


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One Comment

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  1. Keep up the good fight, Steph. I promise you that it gets better. Look into your children’s eyes. Know that it doesn’t matter what happens, everything will be alright. I have alot of life behind me, and this adage has been proven to me over and over.

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